Hilary Valdez (Photo by Hilary Valdez/Stripes Okinawa)
When I retired, I was confused about my future. I never thought about retiring. I enjoyed my high-profile work, meeting people, traveling to different countries, fun conferences, and advanced training with interesting people. Then one day, the lights were turned off, the curtain came down, the applause and congratulations ended. Here I was, alone with a retirement pen and pencil set in my hand, peering at my past. Life as I knew it, ceased to exist. The horror of it all! What now? I’m healthy, I have skills, too young to retire, yet too old to be hired. How do I manage this profound transition?
I questioned my identity. My work provided purpose, status, and routine. But who am I now? How do I redefine myself? What are my interests and values? I discovered that in my retirement, my social connections suffered, which was an important phase of my life. I realized that isolation is a dangerous place to stay. To maintain emotional health, meaningful conversations and shared experiences reaffirmed that my presence matters to my family, myself and others.
My career provided daily contact with others, and its absence could lead to loneliness if not consciously replaced with something meaningful. Family, friendships, support groups, and shared activities help sustain emotional health. But I considered myself independent, and somewhat a loner and not a joiner. Yet simple conversation and shared experiences reaffirmed that one’s existence continues to matter to my family and others. Yet this apparently minor validation supports emotional stability and protects against loneliness and depression.
Then one rainy day staring at my computer wondering what to write, a friend called and invited me to breakfast. The meeting time was a little early for my artistic schedule, but I decided to dip my head into this psychological pool of wellness and venture forth. Meeting at the Camp Zama Golf club restaurant we were the only group there, sans one or two soldiers. I had seen the group members around post but didn’t know them or their names. The challenge was to go beyond my attitude and expand my comfort zone. Which can be difficult for a hermit like me: but one step at a time into unfamiliar territory.
In a fast-moving world, this weekly conversation group reminded me that I am not invisible. And together, through simple discussion, myself and the group continued to grow in connection, resilience, and friendship. I had to be patient, since there is a quiet spiritual dimension unfolding within the group. When we sit together and speak honestly about our days on activity duty, and life journey, we affirm a shared humanity. Each person’s life story is respected, not rushed or dismissed. In this atmosphere, gratitude and respect surfaces for small achievements, for companionship, and for another week lived with purpose.
Being with this breakfast group, which I call the “Wisdom Circle” is therapeutic from a mental wellness perspective. Sharing daily activities and challenges helps sharpen awareness and memory. A group I.Q. is at work sharing survival tips, paperwork regulations on living in Japan, computer issues and apps, travel in Asia, health issues and war stories. Listening to the group members describing their life-shaping events encourages reflection and cognitive engagement. Listening to others broadens perspective. All of us often discover practical ideas for managing life, health challenges, staying active, and maintaining independence in the knowledge gained, through living life: they walked-the-walk.
The Wisdom Circle includes discussing views about books, movies, places traveled, opinions about world news, and historical events. When combined, these elements promote mental strength, resiliency, while indirectly contributing to personal growth, wellness development, optimism, and affability. And it’s free! No therapeutic counseling or consultant fees to pay. The most difficult decision I have to make is: Do you want toast with your eggs? I always leave energized and with a positive outlook on life, my only regret: maybe I should’ve ordered a blueberry pancake.
In the new year, start your own Wisdom Circle, start small. Make a commitment to yourself to improve your outlook on life, help others, smile more, help out when possible and don’t give yourself bad information. Happiness is up to you, so be mindful of your inner conversation with yourself. Repeat to yourself: I’m, getting better and better every day, in every way. As Malcom X said: “Each one, pull one.”
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Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email. Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
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