Joe Marler’s eyes have always twinkled in front of the camera. A man full of mischief, it was little surprise to see him holding his own on the BBC alongside the likes of Stephen Fry and Alan Carr on Celebrity Traitors.
When he sat down beside Jonathan Ross with a pink blanket wrapped around his head, discussing the latest round table at Ardross Castle, it was the sort of disarming touch he showed throughout his rugby career.
As a player, Marler was never as straightforward as he liked people to believe. Behind the silly haircuts and the slapstick humour was a man who was deeply perceptive of his surroundings.
‘You’re about to ask a probing question, aren’t you?’ he once said to me over the breakfast table at his family home in Sussex, which was usually overrun by chickens, dogs, a tortoise or any the other pets that had been welcomed into the household.
‘How do you know that?’ I replied.
‘Because you always clasp your hands together and point them towards me when you’re trying to get something out of me.’
Daily Mail Sport’s Nik Simon with his friend Joe Marler, the former England prop and star of the Celebrity Traitors
Marler has been ahead of the game throughout the Celebrity Traitors, making his voice heard at the round table and gunning in particular for Jonathan Ross
Marler, seen here during the 2019 Rugby World Cup in Japan, is an animal lover whose pets include chickens, dogs and a tortoise
Like every good Faithful, Marler always picked up on body language and moods and mannerisms. At press conferences, he knew the name of every journalist in the room. He would be armed with information about all of his inquisitors, ready to turn the heat back on them when he was in the firing line.
‘Are you still killing yourself with those vapes?’ he would regularly ask my colleague.
At the 2019 World Cup in Japan, I was the one in Marler’s line of fire. The travelling media – myself included – were staying in the same hotel as the England team on Rokko Island.
Most Japanese hotels are equipped with a communal onsen – a traditional hot spring where it is customary to bathe naked. I found myself in the onsen at the same time as Marler and Ellis Genge, who took great joy in shouting out that I was overdressed in my trunks.
At breakfast the following morning, I bumped into Marler as he was slopping scrambled eggs onto his plate. ‘You’re having it today,’ he said, with no elaboration.
A few hours later, at a press conference on live television, Marler glanced towards me from the top-table with a knowing smirk. I waited my turn to ask a question and he interrupted as I took the microphone.
‘I would like to apologise for the behaviour of the English media,’ he said, with any shred of dry humour lost through the translation provided to the stunned Japanese media.
‘You have offended the Japanese culture,’ he added, looking directly at me. ‘It says specifically that you’re meant to be naked in the onsen. No shorts. I went in wearing a rash vest to cover my tattoos but nothing down there. And yet you’re swanning about in swim shorts? Ridiculous.’
Marler threw himself into the local culture while staying in Tokyo, even outdoing me with his (lack of) clothes in the hot spring!
The prop was a fearsome opponent who gave his all for the England cause across a 95-cap career spanning 12 years
Marler, pictured at his home in Sussex, often used his Daily Mail Sport column to fire shots at rugby’s bureaucrats
After the press conference, I was swarmed by Japanese journalists. They asked if I would like to respond but I knew all too well that Marler was on a wind-up mission. He discreetly walked past the commotion with a snort of laughter and his words made front page news on the Japan Times.
Throughout the second half of his rugby career, Marler had a column in the Daily Mail.
Typically, sportspeople’s columns are ghostwritten by a journalist. To begin with, following usual protocol, I would speak to Marler for around 20 minutes on the phone, editing his anecdotes and insights into a publishable written article.
By the time he retired, Marler had become comfortable writing them by himself. They would arrive two hours later than requested but they were worth the wait. Word-perfect and majestically written. Sharp and heartfelt. I was gobsmacked by the quality of his writing.
He often used his column to fire pot shots at rugby’s bureaucrats.
As a player, he was a firm subscriber of the Rassie Erasmus and Agustin Pichot side of the sport’s politics, rallying against the established order. His relationship with rugby was love-hate. He loved the camaraderie and the jock-strap whiff of a scrum, but hated the conservatism and the bureaucracy. Rugby’s arch non-conformist.
He had media managers pulling their hair out. I watched him bite the head off a rose and chew it like a farm animal during a photoshoot at a PR event to promote a ‘Protect the Rose’ campaign. On another occasion, he pulled a Bane mask out of his bag while his picture was being taken, with the image ending up on the front cover of the Daily Mail’s Matchday magazine.
Stick to the script? Not Marler.
Ever the eccentric, in an interview with Daily Mail Sport, Marler sported a Bane mask in honour of the DC Comics villain, played in the Dark Knight Rises by Tom Hardy
He has always been an entertainer, vocal with his opinions and hilariously funny at the same time. But there is more to Marler than scrums and slapstick
He set up a podcast where he interviewed everyday people about anything but rugby
Most players would choose to conduct their media activities at the team hotel, comforted by the safety of their media manager. Last summer, we got together in Tokyo ahead of England’s match against Japan. We went on a wild ride around the sprawling metropolis, tasting spam sushi and multi-coloured cheese toasties in Harajuku. We visited ninja schools and settled in a micropig cafe to preview the match. He was never confined by the boundaries of the team.
Marler was steadfast in his own opinions, never following the crowd. Anyone who has spent five minutes in his company knew that he would not be swayed by the herd-mentality around the Traitors round table. Quite the opposite.
Marler is smarter than he lets on. He mastered the kinetics of the scrum as a player, grasping the levers and the physics of rugby’s set-piece. It was like a chess match with extra protein and Marler usually came out on top. Beneath the goofy exterior was a dogged determination.
There were few boundaries in his mission to unsettle his opponents. He would sing Tina Turner as they bound together, stamping on his opposite man’s foot or scraping a stud down their ankle. Calling out Jonathan Ross about his Big Dog theory? Child’s play.
Marler always seemed destined to step out of the traditional rugby circles.
At times, he faced as big a battle with himself as he did with the opposition. There is more to him than scrums and slapstick. He is one of the only rugby players who has opened up about taking anti-depressants, working with the charity CALM and using his platform to raise awareness about mental health in circles that would typically keep a stiff upper lip.
Towards the end of his playing career he set up a podcast in which he interviewed everyday people about anything but rugby.
He has always been an entertainer, vocal with his opinions and hilariously funny at the same time. In 2023, we went along to visit Michelin-star chef Tom Kerridge at his restaurant in London. Marler barrelled into the kitchen and had the entire staff in stitches as he put on an apron that barely tied up around his barrel-sized torso.
Marler, who played his club rugby with London-based Harlequins, retired from the sport in November of last year
In 2023, we went along to visit Michelin-star chef Tom Kerridge at his restaurant in the capital. Marler barrelled into the kitchen and had the entire staff in stitches
I have interviewed hundreds of sportspeople over the years but never have I come across one so intriguing as the old prop
‘I was a sous chef at Bateman’s tea room in East Sussex when I was a teenager. The place where Rudyard Kipling used to live,’ he told them.
‘My ex-girlfriend’s mum was the head chef and she had me chopping salad and making scones. I had to take the bins out and at the same time I’d leave a whole banana loaf out by the bins and tuck it in my bag at the end of the day. In the end, I got sacked because they realised I’d been nicking cakes! Anyway… have you got a job going?’
When I interviewed him after he announced his retirement last year, he told me he would love to go on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! He has ticked off the Traitors and hopefully there is more coming than just celebrity gameshows. As a journalist I have interviewed hundreds of sportspeople over the years but never have I come across one so intriguing as the old prop.
The Joe Marler Show? I would tune in.
AloJapan.com