Menu Options Limited with Jevon Westmoland I The Best? Ep 118
When you read the Bible and it talks about heaven
and it’s like there will be a choir of angels 247, you know, like constantly singing songs of
praise, it’s like that’s my least favorite part of church. I I if if you go to church
and they sing more than three songs, I’m like, “All right, guys. Come on. Hey, come on now. I
got like a quota. I’m I’m here to meet like I I’m here. I’ll give you a solid hour. I can do four
prayers, three songs, and like a 25 minute sermon, and then I’m let’s go. Let’s go. We We’re gonna go
watch some football, you know, or whatever. And I just feel like I’m going to be the one person in
heaven like because there’s only so many songs, you know, and it’s like they’re going to repeat
eventually and it’s just annoyed. You’re going to be annoyed. I heard. Yeah. It’s Holy. It’s
actually the same song. Oh, and you’re like, “It’s actually the same song. They’re not even
doing different songs.” They said it would be the same song that this song. So, yes, that would be,
look, I worked at J C Penney when I was in high school, and around Christmas time, they would play
the same seven Christmas songs over and over and over again. And by the time you hear Santa Baby
for the seventh time in in a in a 12-hour shift, you’re just like, I I hate it. I hate Christmas.
I hate every I’m So we literally just compared J C Penney to Heaven. That’s what we got. That was
the department store we went with. Yeah. I mean, all right. In hindsight, go off comment section.
Go off. Go off comment section. This is going We going to eat with this one. I’m going to have
to I’m going to have to answer for this when I get to the He’s going to be like, “Look, listen.
Technically, yes, you are getting in. But we’ve got a highlight clip of all of these things you’ve
said on camera. And I’m like, “Oh, man.” Yeah, man. I did say it was like J C Penney, didn’t
I? He was like, “You didn’t give a serious at the height.” Yeah. It was like, “What if I said
Nordstrom? Was that better?” Like, he would have been like, “I would have took Nordstrom.” Yeah.
He’s like, “I would have took Nordstrom.” I don’t really think you’re going to be the only person up
there though to like that gets there and be like, cuz I’m always afraid I’m going to get there and
it’s going to be too chilly. Like, I’m going to be like, “Oh, this is kind of cold.” Like this
is what we keep it at. Like this is this is what we This is what we keeping it at. Huh? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. He’s like, “Well, if you like it warm, you could try the other place.” He’s like, “No,
no, no. Would be fine if you have a jacket.” If Can I borrow a cloak from someone? Moses, are you
using Can I get a cloak? Can I get a cloak from you? Uh, no. I I do have a lot of like real
thoughts that I guess are about heaven, but I guess they’re kind of like why does it matter?
Like what type of clothes are we going to wear? Yeah. I don’t want cloaks. Like I want I want our
fashion. Like I want what we wear. Like Yeah. I want to be comfy. Yeah. I want to be comfortable.
Like I don’t want to wear sandals. I’m not going to lie. Looking at some of these pictures, those I
mean they’re basically robes. Those do look pretty comfy. I mean I mean Yeah. I just want I just
want tennis shoes. That’s really all I want. I just want comfortable I want comfortable shoes.
Oh yeah, that’s it. Oh, I never even thought about that. But in eternity with everybody’s toes
out, man. No. Yeah. How does he redo them or do the feet even get messed up? Like ah I don’t
know. I got so many questions. I’ve got I Man, my toes are all mangled and like I like like
I’ve had so many that are like broken and like uh I don’t want those out for the world
forever. Yeah. Not forever. Especially like cuz we going to like people going to drone on
them forever. Like every time they see your feet, they going they going to mention it
every time. Like they like, “Bro, your feet still. What are those?” You’re like, “Oh
man, come on.” Yeah. And like these are questions that you can’t really like answer in prayer. So
you just kind of just sit with them and be like, “Yeah, I talk to them when I meet them.” How
do you bring that up when you get to heaven? How do you like file a complaint? You know
what I mean? It’s paradise. So it’s like, how do you like, “Hey, big guy. I’m going to yel
it. I’m going yel it. I’m going yelp it. Come on, Yelp. Yelp review have it. Not quite what I
expected. Menu options limited. Menu options. Menu options limited. Curfew is horrible.
Cur like, hey, some of us like to stay up a little bit later, right? Who’s in control of
the ox core? Like that type. I could see that. Like I I could see that. But the alternative
I man I wonder if there’s any songs that like aren’t biblical songs or like aren’t Christian
songs that God He was like it’s pretty good. Yeah, it’s still pretty good. I definitely think I I
think he gives a pass on We Will Rock You. I I think I definitely He gives a pass on We Will
Rock You. I think so. I think we have forced that into his acceptance of they’re going to
they’re going to play it at everything. So, I might as well like it. Yeah. I think we
have wore him down with that. Like we will Rocky. Yeah. We we have That’s so funny. like
you’re you’re getting ready to walk through the gates and it’s just like David and Moses and
Joseph and and Ruth or whatever and they’re like that like yeah or like we are the champions. It’s
like you made it. That would be perfect. We are the champions. That would be time after time.
That would be Or they do like have you seen the Jennifer Hudson spirit tunnel? Oh yeah. They
do like that. That would be perfect. put all the biblical characters on the line as we I was going
to say I would love to have a like a soul train line of of just like all the biblical characters.
Have you seen those videos online where it’s like people get into heaven and they’re like saying
hi to like all the disciples or whatever and then there’s Eve and they’re just like we ain’t
going to do her dirty when we get up there. Be like ma’am ma’am you and your veganism has caused
a lot of problems ma’am. There was one thing you couldn’t eat one. One. Yeah, it the talking snake
didn’t give it away. We’ll go. I hope it is as I I hope it is as fun or as free flowing as we
think. I just get anno I don’t know. I’m You think it’s going to be very structured? It’s going
to be very structured. I’m worried it’s going to be too structured. I’m worried. I mean, and I
mean, who am I to complain, right? I’m at this point. I think getting in is I’m very lucky if he
if I’ve kind of feel like if if I do get in, he’s definitely bit a couple rules and he’s overlooked
some things. But like I don’t know. I It’s not even that like the structure and the rules of
it, but there’s so many people that like good good Christian folks, good holy humans. I don’t
want to spend time with you though. Like you know what I mean? Like I like I can do I can talk to
you for 20 minutes or so and we can that’s great I can do service with you but even even my own
family you know there’s times where it’s like you ever been locked in a room with someone for that
you love to death give it three hours four hours and you’re like all right look I’mma I’m going
to go get some water or something like I just need like a reset and it’s like now imagine that
forever forever ever. And there is no water. Like there’s no you can’t go to the kitchen. You’re not
taking the dog out. Like it’s like none of that is happening. You have to sit through all of this.
Now, I wonder if So, so there’s not anything in the Bible that says technically you’re not allowed
to like smoke. Mhm. And people have been smoking for Yeah. since the beginning of time, you know.
And I mean, and I’m not talking about any type of it doesn’t matter tobacco, other substances or
whatever. Do you think that outside the pearly gates there’ll always be like a group of people
just like just like it’s like I’m like, “Hey, this is my 10-minute uh, you know, just Yeah,
we’re out of the rotation on that thing. We’re out of there right now.” Like we’re outside like
he he doesn’t like the cigarettes inside. Yeah, he I get it. I get it. You know, he’s a stickler
about that. Yeah. Can you imagine that? This is the the the streets of gold and there’s
like a cigarette butt there. He’s like, “Who who did this? Who did this?” He’s like,
“Never mind. I know who did it. I know who did it. I know who did it. I know.” We’re all just
sitting there looking. I Lord, I bet it was Eve. I bet she’s going to catch everything. It was
definitely E. Eve. Eve would do that. Lord, Eve would definitely leave a cigarette butt on
the ground. Heaven forbid there’s like an apple core just laying on the ground somewhere. I’d be
like, “Oh, I wonder who did this. Oh, we’re back to this. This is what we’re Which animal told
you to eat it this time? Which one told you to eat this time? You so gullible. Like so gullible.
I uh I I like this one cuz I I like this question about best dad in the Bible is because there’s so
many bad ones. Like uh do you remember the story of King Solomon? So, David’s son, King Sol, well,
one of David’s sons, King Solomon, uh, he asks, God’s like, “Hey, I’m going to bless you, right?
I’m going to give you whatever you ask for.” And he’s like, “I just want to know you better. I
want to follow you whole.” And God’s like, “Oh, since you asked for that, I’m going to give you
money. I’m going to give you power. I’m going to give you everything.” And then he immediately
goes down the wrong path. He marries like 500 different women. He starts worshiping like false
gods. He sacrifices some of his own children to like a false like a uh Moolik the owl god. He
like does human sacrifices with infants to and it’s like I’ve talked to my wife about that cuz
she always wants me to be more involved and like going to church and doing like more stuff. That’s
your push back. That’s my And I’m like, “Okay, do you think King Solomon got into heaven?”
And she’s like, “What do you mean?” I’m like, “King Solomon from the Bible?” And she’s like,
“Yeah, I think so. God blessed him. I think he got in.” I’m like, “Oh, okay, cool. So, all I have
to do is not kill one of the kids to a false god and I’m still above him. I think I’m good.” And
she’s like, “Ah, it makes her it makes it’s so weird that like I I study the Bible not to like
defend myself from like atheists, but from other Christians who are like, “You shouldn’t do this.”
this. I’m like, “Well, actually, actually actually actually actually if you look right here.” Yeah.
You not You use it as a rebuttal to like like uh I don’t want to do guest I don’t want to do
guest ministry. Like I don’t I don’t want to be a host. That’s not what I Yeah. It’s not really
my thing. Uh I’m pretty sure that uh you talked to the Apostle Paul uh and he said every man was
given his own measure of faith um and you’re not to judge. So maybe I got like half a cup and you
got three quarts. Hey, you got three and I’m not judging your three quarts. Yeah. I’m not That’s
not what I’m here to do. My half a cup. Yeah, exactly. I just want my half a cup to be all
right. The point is we both believe and we’re both trying. Okay. You might be trying a little harder
than I am, but that doesn’t mean I’m not trying. And that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t appreciate
my effort. Cuz he knows my heart. Yeah. Why don’t we ask him? Why don’t we ask him? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Let’s You want to disturb him? You know how busy he is and you want to You want to bother
him with this with this meaty meaningless BS? No, I didn’t think so. I love with the how busy he is.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, so sorry. So sorry. Don’t mean to interrupt. I I know you got a lot
on your plate right now. Just curious. Um Yeah. He’s like, “They’re back.” Uh okay. best Bible
story. By the way, I want to point out that I was googling for probably 25 minutes. This is the only
picture of black Jesus that I could find on Google is the walking. And I did not I it’s not like I
typed in it was like it wasn’t like uh white Jesus on a donkey or anything like that. I just typed
in Jesus and apparently Google is not not caught up on the trend. Yeah, Google hasn’t really read
his word and Google said it is what it is. This is the guy being lowered down from the tree by
his friends. No, that is Zakius. Do you remember Zakius the tax collector? Oh yeah, I just taught
this a couple weeks ago. I don’t It’s I hope my I hope it’s a it’s a it’s a it’s not a mainstream
Bible story for sure. It’s It’s definitely like a a Bplot. You know what I mean? He Yeah. He’s
pulled like some Robin Hood like type. Well, okay. So, you know, so Zakia, for those that don’t
know, Zakius was a wee little man. Yeah. And a wee little man was he. Mhm. Uh and according to the
rhyme, he climbed up in a sycamore tree to see what he could see. Mhm. But it’s in the it’s in
the book of John. And Zakius apparently was a tax collector who cheated everybody. Yes. And would
steal extra money and stuff like that. And he was hated. And he climbed up in a tree to see Jesus
walk by. And Jesus was like, “Zakius, I’m hanging out at your house today. We’re going to go have
lunch.” And everybody was like, “Really him?” And I like to think that like when John wrote this,
actually it might have been Luke. I can’t remember if it was John or Luke, but that I like to think
that when they wrote that down, they wrote down like he was a tiny tiny man and he climbed up in
a giant tree and he’s like, “Dude, I was like 55.” Okay, I’m not that I’m pretty average height for
our time. And it’s like all he did was like push a couple branches down to see Jesus. And the guy’s
like he was tiny, tiny, tiny. Smallest man we’ve ever seen. couldn’t stand him, you know, just
because he like he had How do we sell it? Yeah. How do we push it? He was tiny. No, no, no. We
We little We like four E’s. W E E. What type of tree? How about a sycamore? Yeah, that rhymes.
Sycamore tree. Yeah, there we go. They won’t see many of those. They won’t see many of those. Um,
I was never I ain’t going to say I’m not a big fan of the arc story. I’m just not an animal guy and
I’m like I’m like through and through animals. Uh, so that story never really excited me. Um, there’s
so much more interesting stuff about the ark that never gets talked about. Like uh there was a night
where Noah got drunk and had relations with Mrs. Noah. Mhm. And one of the sons came in and and
saw them passed out naked and then went and told his brothers like, “Hey, mom and dad are mom and
dad are in the room. They’re getting it on.” And the the other two sons like shame him for it. And
they’re like, “You can’t be looking at mom and dad naked like that.” And they like have to walk in
backwards holding robes and like cover them up. And then when Noah wakes up the next day and finds
out what his that his son like walked in on them, like curses him forever and and Yeah. Like there’s
so much more interesting stuff. It was way more layers to it than just he built a boat. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Everybody’s like, “He built a boat and he took two of every animal and then Yeah.
then then the dove found a branch and then we’re all here.” No, it was like there’s so much more
when you think about it. Think road trip. That’s basically what it was. It was a road trip. He
was in there with his family and we all been on road trips with our family. Oh yeah. So now bring
one of your family pets with you. Who’s cleaning up? Yeah. Cuz we brought two of everything. Uh
yeah. Who’s cleaning? Who’s annoyed? Who’s sick of like they can’t find nowhere to be intimate?
Cuz the kids are here. They just logistically of where to store everything. Cuz eventually you’re
going to put two animals next to each other that don’t like each other. You know what I mean?
Yeah. That’s how it works. That’s that’s how it works in LA with the prisoners. Eventually
eventually two of the wrong people gonna end up in the same place. Like it just just happens that
way. It’s just overcrowding. I mean, we just we ran out of funding. We ran out of space. So we got
a That’s so funny. He’s got like another smaller boat behind the first boat with like we This
is where we put the problem animals and that’s where Yeah. It’s like there was a unicorn on that
and the boat sinks and they’re like, “Oh, well, whoever’s taking the record like Noah built two
boats and then it sinks and it scratches.” Noah built a big boat. One one of them. What we going
to say about the other boat? We won’t even mention it. Not at all. We won’t mention it. So, I’m
I’m definitely a fan of the walking on water just because of the story behind it. And that’s a
Yeah, that’s a just all of it. I I like the I like the the other story of of Jesus being on the boat
when it’s like it’s storming really bad and all the disciples are freaking out and they wake him
up. It’s the it’s the only besides Jesus flipping the tables. It’s the only other time where he gets
like even a little annoyed cuz he’s like you could tell he said he stands up and he’s like peace be
still. And everything calms down. But you can tell he was like I’m sleeping guy. Like come on. You
can’t give me 3 hours to just chill. Like and he probably just went to sleep. That’s probably why
he was so frustrated. Yeah, cuz he just nodded off. That’s so I love I think that we skip over
that. Like we when you tell the story it’s like oh everybody the whole everybody focuses on like
oh he controlled the weather and it’s like no no no no that’s not the point of the story. It’s that
he was annoyed, but he he didn’t let it get to him. Like he showed his frustration. He unders he
made them understand like, “Hey, you guys got to learn to handle some problems yourselves. I can’t
do everything, you know, but I will take care of this because I do care about you.” Uh I like about
John talking about how he beat Peter to the tomb. Do you ever read that where it’s like uh they
raced to the tomb but one disciple was faster than the other and got there first or whatever?
And I just love the I love the idea of them going back to all the other disciples and be like you
guys are never going to guess. Like he rose again like he said and it’s like yeah but I smoked Peter
smoked him. He wasn’t he couldn’t even see him. I was there for 30 seconds before he even showed
up on the horizon. Like it is really so much if you get like off into the side notes of it. It’s
a lot of cool like stories you’ll find in there. The big I love the context man. The big stories
are great but like you say if you get into like the context of it like they woke him up and he was
annoyed. Well that’s probably cuz he just like he was probably praying like all day and he probably
just went to sleep and here y’all come because the water’s moving a little bit and I didn’t talk
to y’all. We’ve been talking about faith. Like everywhere we go, I talk about this with y’all.
And here we are again. And here y’all are again doing this again. I’m just sick of it. Like I’m
just I’m sick of it at this point. Like, hey, either you going to get on board or you’re not.
Like either you’re getting on board or you’re not. Like I got I got way bigger things to worry about
than your fear of storms. Like do you know what I got to deal with? You know what I’m have to deal
with here in Do you know how busy I am? You know how busy. Like I can’t make a table that’s sturdy.
Like I got stuff going on. Like I got stuff going on. I never really mastered making tables. And
he’s still frustrated about that, right? Like you got to let that go, Jesus. You got you got to let
that go. Man, that just might not have been your thing, you know? Like it’s all right. Like you are
crushing this though. Like Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like why focus on that? That that would be me
though. Like if I would because that’s how I am. like everything could nine out of ten things can
be perfect but that one thing and I’m like how do I how do I make this better? I just I just can’t
figure it out. And people are like why are you even worried about that? What? It doesn’t matter
at all. And it’s like I know but I just I kind of wanted to get it, you know? I kind of thought
maybe if I put the effort in I could I’d figure it out. I thought maybe I could get the table
right. Maybe that’s why he flipped the table. Maybe that’s why he flipped. He didn’t care about
the gambling. He was just like it’s so level. Look, it’s not wobbling. Yeah, this is crazy.
Get this out of here. It’s It’s all one piece. They’re like, “Lord, why did you flip it?” It was
the other It was the Listen, I just I don’t want to talk about We just omit that part. Like, that
part out. Say it’s cuz they were gambling in here. I Yeah, we Yeah, I didn’t like that either.
But he was like, “Look how sturdy. Look at this. This is a This is great craftsmanship.
Who did this? Who get this? This is I could never trying to show me up in my own house,
right? I could never get my tables like this. That’d be funny. He gonna pull us to the side
when we get up there and be like, “Hey, you know, you remember that podcast episode you guys
did?” Like, yeah, that’s exactly why I flipped the table. Yeah, I would love that. I couldn’t
put in the book. I could put it in the book, but that was Don’t tell anybody else. But I It
really was like that was kind of annoy. I mean like I was quite bothered like like I I mean I I
worked hard on it. You know what I mean? Like this is way that’s when we find out Joseph was like an
abusive stepdad where it’s like it’s like do you know how many times Joseph yelled at me cuz like
my chairs were a little off balance. It’s like I’m doing my best. All right. We all know this isn’t
why I’m here but like I’m gonna try. Doesn’t mean I’m nothing. I’m not gonna just give up. I’m not
a quitter, you know. Uh, one of the speaking of uh like subtext and like side things, one of my
all-time favorite stories uh is the book of Job where so like Job loses his whole family, his
house, his livestock, loses everything, right? Well, there’s a like right after that happens,
his I can’t remember if it’s like his three or four best friends come and they sit with him for
a week and don’t say anything. They just sit in silence with him because it’s like that’s
the best expression of friendship I’ve ever seen. Cuz if you’re going through it and someone
comes in and they start being like, “It’s okay, man. It’s going to all work out.” Well, they
start over comforting. you’re like, “Hey, it’s not okay. I I don’t need that right now.” But
they just came in and they were like, “Man, Job’s going through it.” And they just sat there with
him. They brought a six-pack and we just sat down. And And that’s a guy thing. But first of all, I
feel for Job. Oh, yeah. The story of Job to me is is it’s always a story that I feel bad for Job
because he just kind of got he was just kind of like the not okay. He was the right guy, but maybe
in the wrong place or I may be saying that wrong, but he was really like just a bet. Like, hey, oh,
well, you think, well, you think he, you know, everybody really loves you and blah blah blah blah
blah blah. He only loves you cuz what you do for him. If you took all that away from him, I bet you
he wouldn’t love you no more. And God was like, bet game on. And and Job’s life proceeded to
get shaken up from there. And he was cool, like faithful. I just tell people that was the
right person for it. I just always be like, man, that that I couldn’t have been Job. Like, I
couldn’t have I I couldn’t have. My car has problems and I’m ready and I’m screaming at the
heavens. Like, I’m screaming at the God. Like, I’m not even a mechanic. Like, I what? I didn’t
notice. And you That’s so true. So many times where it’s like the minor inconveniences happen.
You’re like, “Really? Really? Are you This is what we’re doing.” Oh. Oh, you just let Satan
have at me, huh? Okay. All right. Yeah. Oh, okay. No peanut butter. Okay. Oh, okay. So, this
comedy competition is gonna be all audience folk. It’s gonna be a bringer show. Okay. Okay.
All right. We’re doing Thanks. Appreciate Appreciate You just just turn me loose to anybody
I see. Just no type of Yeah. I think he I think protection protection father like he took his
wife, kids, like his cattle. I I was like, man, I I was like, dude, so his but I think even his
friends I think when they first I think they did but I think at some point even they were like bro
you just not going to say nothing like you just going to keep being cool with it? Well like after
that seven days it kind of goes downhill cuz they start being like well what’ you do? Like well
clearly you did some I mean clearly you did and he’s like I I didn’t do anything. Which is still
friends. Like that’s still friends for you. Like that is true though. That is true cuz if you have
someone I mean if you have someone who’s like no you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s like all right
you’re just you’re are we lacking accountability Joe? Are we lacking accountability? Like what
did you do? Like so you want me to believe? Okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
That the Lord of our lords, the creator of the universe just picked you. Just picked you of all
people. No reason. I mean Yeah. Yeah. I think so, man. I I Okay. Okay. All right. Cool. So just you
Okay. Maybe uh maybe just take a look inside. You know what I mean? I know your outside’s covered in
boils and soores, but uh take a look inside. Yeah, take a look cuz that’s really where the problem
seems to be. That not outside. It’s inside that’s the problem. You need to work inside. But yeah,
that that that but that is the true there are a lot of examples of true friendship in in the
Bible. Those guys that lowered um the paralyzed guy down. Like first of all, those are the type of
friends that I strive to have. You couldn’t get to the blessing. So you had friends that said, “Hey,
we’ll get you there.” What about them? They cut a hole in somebody’s roof. You know what I mean? It
wasn’t their house. That’s why we need context. Whose house was it that you cut the hole in the
roof? And afterwards, was the guy like I I mean, well, we know who didn’t help put the roof back
together. We know who didn’t these shingles are horrible. Like these are horrible. This come on.
I mean the support beam is like is angle. What? Just sit down. We we got it. Just just sit down.
We got it. I would been like, “Hey, hey, hey, hey. Used to be paralyzed guy. Come on. It’s time
to get to work. Now that everything’s cooperating, get up. I need you to get up. There’s work to
be done. I need that fixed. I need We’re not Yeah. Yeah. That was the good that was a good
roof before. This was a solid roof. It was I This roof cost me 30 thou This roof cost me 30,000
goats. Like this cost me three this cost me three goats. This cost me 30,000 coats. Are you kidding
me? My own my grandfather thatched this roof and you’re just going to Yeah. That’s why I want more
like that type of stuff is the stuff I would like context on. Who? Because I I I know it’s not the
important part of the story. No. But if people understood like how our minds work, like how the
comedic mind work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We want Well, whose roof is it? Like, yeah. Like, whose roof was
it? Yeah. If I was one of the disciples and Jesus is talking and all of a sudden I just see like
a saw blade coming through cutting a rectangle, I’m going be like, like, “Hold on, Lord.” Hey,
wait. Uh, I know you preaching, but hold on. Uh, I’m so sorry to interrupt. Yeah. Uh, but does
anybody else like I got drywall in my hair? What is happening? No. So, nobody else sees
this. Okay. And at what point did they start like at what point did people stop and start to
acknowledge like like cuz it wasn’t I mean it had to have been before the the bed started lowering
down through this. There’s no way he got all the way to the There’s no way they lowered him all
the way down and that’s when people noticed him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, he just snuck up
on us. We didn’t see that. Like I didn’t I didn’t see this guy just being lowered in from the roof
by three of his friends. I didn’t I didn’t pay attention to that. I mean, I’ve walked through
a front door and ruined a party before. So, it’s like imagine if I repelled through the roof,
you know? It’s like, guys, there’s easier ways to to get our attention. You know what I mean? Like,
they did it even state why they came through the roof? Like, did they try to come through the front
door and they denied him the and they was like, “No, we got to see this guy.” Like, yeah. Like,
no, no, no, no. Like, Lord, you got to help our friend. Like, to be honest, he’s getting he’s kind
of a burden. Like, we he like I love him to death, but but I don’t have time to just sit here and
take care of Gary all day, okay? Like I need you to could you if you could possibly my social life.
Yeah. My wife is mad at me. He wants me to come over every night and like I just I I got things
to do. Like I want to sit with him. You’re a busy man. I’m a busy man. Gary would love to be a busy
man. He would love it. He would he would really appreciate it, but I uh that would mad. So yeah, I
just want context on that cuz how did that happen? Like that’s a good story. But yeah, there are good
examples of good friends and you know then it’s the examples of the bad friends but you know we
not going to really bring them up like we know how that went but it’s like I said man a lot of a lot
of side notes in it that if you actually get into it you just got a lot of questions like when you
get there like and I mean if you I mean you know what I’m saying? Yeah. If if I’m going still have
these questions though, like I would still like to have them answered. Like even though I don’t if
I don’t make it in, Lord, can you do me a solid and like just answer some of these questions for
me? Like I go back to burning. Like it is what it is. But yeah, before I go before I go, I get it.
I didn’t make it. I’m so sorry. Can I ask some questions? It is what it is. It was It was crowd
participation. I get it. That’s the thing that I can’t stand is when you talk to other Christians
and you ask questions, they’re like, “Uh, stop.” Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah. Oh, no.
Like I had a I had a teacher in um it was my fifth grade teacher and I was asking question. We were
talking about a Bible story or something and I asked a question and she was like that’s evil. You
shouldn’t question the this is what’s important. They wrote down what they wanted us to know and
I was just like I I’m sorry. I man I would like to I I need context. I and and and I don’t think
nothing’s wrong with that. Like I think we need I think it just helps us better understand and
that’s really all we want the context for is just to better understand what we’re reading. So just
to tell me that this is the important part. Well, now you just kind of made me want to know more
about the other part though. Yeah. By telling me I’m not supposed to question is like well now I
have all the questions. Why can’t I question you? Here we go. Cuz now that I’m an adult, now that
I’m an adult and I tell people don’t question me, I know why I’m telling them not to question me
because I really don’t have an answer for it or my answer is probably a little outrageous and I don’t
really want to explain it and having to explain it out loud makes it sound even crazier. Like, but
here we go. I’m going to give you So, but I do I I like I like a Christian that don’t take themselves
too serious. Like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, don’t don’t be too I tell them all the time, none
of us are going to make it out of here alive, so chill out. Like like none of us none of us
that’s perfect. None of us are making a lie. Like calm down y’all. Like and I promise y’all for as
funny as some of us are he has he definitely God definitely has a sense of humor. Like oh 100%. Is
is we’re arguing about if a hundred of us can beat a gorilla y’all. Like God is laughing about that.
Yeah. He he laughs a lot of stuff we do. Like oh buddy. He does. And he created comedians.
Like we just didn’t make this up on our own. Comedians have been in the they’re in the they’re
all in the word. Like we’re all in there. Well, they’re not called comedians like jesters or
whatever they are, but we’re there. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, 100%. I think I mean there’s a couple there’s
a couple sermons from Jesus where it’s like, oh, that’s a joke. Yeah. Like he talks about he’s like
he’s like, “Don’t question the splinter in your neighbor’s eye if you’ve got a plank of wood in
your eye or whatever.” And it’s like, “Oh, yeah, that’s a bit. That’s a that’s a bit.” Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. He was working bits on him. Yeah. You think Jesus ever had a heckler? You think
Jesus was ever preaching he had a heckler? Oh, I was in the last city. I heard this. You
did that one already. Oh, I’m offended. I’m offended. If you booed, can you imagine booing
Jesus and then you die and he’s like, “Hey, this beast sucks. This beast sucks.” You’re He’s
at the gates and he’s looking at you. He’s like, “Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. You’re
not getting in.” He’s like, “Yeah, yeah, I I deserve that one.” That’s what I’m saying. Like,
context. Like, I know he gave all these sermons, but you’re not going to tell me everybody was on
board cuz I know how the story ends. So, I know everybody I know everybody wasn’t a fan. Like, I
know this. I know this. I know the story. Like, I seen the ending. Everybody at these I know some
people just were probably they’re like, “What are we doing here?” Like, oh yeah. Hey, come with
me to this thing. Like, oh yeah, like a network marketing meeting. Well, you got to know it was a
network marketing meeting. Come with me. the five the five loaves of bread and two fish that just
multiply. There’s no way everybody heard what he was saying. If there was that many people, I’m
just saying like I’m not trying to take away from the miracle. The miracle is great, but bad seating
is bad seating. I’ve been in a I’ve been in a comedy club when the mic cuts out and I know there
were people in the back that didn’t hear me and I was projecting and that’s a that’s a room of like
200 people. Now 10,000 people. Come on. And and and Jesus is just just like yelling. Yeah. There
was a couple people in the back like what what he say like I don’t know. And they’re just picking
at the bread like I mean at least the food’s good. You know the food is great. It’s seasoned well.
Like this is seasoned well. Is this cumin? Is this Yeah. Like it’d be man I Yeah. I just got to be
able to sit down with him. Like we just I I can’t do the whole singing all day thing. I got like
questions. You got you got to let me have some time with you before I could just go do the work.
Like I I do the singing cool, but let me let me I don’t know is I hope I hope heaven has a comedy
club. I really do. I I hope heaven has a comedy club, man. I just hope it ain’t no competition,
but I do hope they have one like cuz you a bringer a bringer uh a bringer crowd participation at the
Heaven Comedy Club. That’s It’ll be called Halos. Halo. Halos. to see that. Halos and hahas. Halos
and haha. That would be that’d be perfect. I’d be there. Oh man, I I would Yeah, I would love to sit
down and just ask questions, man. I would like cuz it’s just so many that I have. Not even of deep
stuff. Just like God, how did they like you say, how did they hear you? Like when you were
doing the and feeding people and talking, if you’ve ever done that, keeping their attention,
how did you keep their attention as you were feeding them? Cuz when people start eating, people
just lose. Like I’m not paying no attention to I don’t know what the guy’s talking about. Yeah.
Yeah. We’ve we’ve done such at KJS before. There times where when the chicken comes out. Oh,
it is over. Like when that chicken comes out, it is a wrap. Like it doesn’t matter how funny
you I mean Yeah. Yeah. You My food’s getting cold. Like my food’s getting I need you to stop. Like
that. My favorite is there have been times where someone I’ve been doing a set there and someone
who was eating and I saw them they like they did like pinky pinky clap and I’m like cuz they’re
not going to be disrespectful. They they go Yeah, that that was that was beautiful. I love it. I’m
not going to laugh. But I I love those type rules, man. That is that is fun. That because you know if
you have something that works there, it’s you’re good. I think you’re good. If you got something
that works if you got something that works there, you’re good a little bit of everywhere. It should
work. It should work everywhere if it works there because they see us because the familiarity is
like and that’s one thing I liked about it too. We saw the same people like every week but they
didn’t cut you slack like just because I saw you every week. You didn’t be they didn’t give you
like brownie hahas. It was man you didn’t really bring it this week. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You you
you There have been so many times where I get off stage on that open mic and someone was like,
“You were really funny last week and you’re like, “Oh, all right. Underline period. Got it. Got it.
Okay. All right. Back to the drawing board.” When they go back to prior shows. Yeah. You didn’t,
man. Hey, when I saw you at the helium, you were amazing. Yeah. Oh, what about tonight? No, the
Helium was good, though. You did good. Yeah, that that was I don’t know if you did the same
stuff, but Yeah. Yeah, it worked that night. It was It was word for word the same. I just didn’t
feel it tonight. Yeah, it might have been the way you delivered it. Look look inside you. Yeah.
Hey Joe, maybe uh look inside you. Like maybe you little accountability. Yeah, that’s the beauty of
our business. I You could do the same thing every night and it be different every night. I I still
get nervous sometimes when someone calls and like, “Hey, could you do 2530 minutes on this show
coming up?” And I’m like, “Well, I mean, I know I’ve done it in the past, but I don’t know.
I’m I don’t know how that night is going to go, you know? Like, I I don’t know. Like, I I I’m
doing a I’m doing the uh Who Says STDL ain’t funny?” on Sunday, and I’m only doing five
minutes, and I am so nervous. I am so nervous about it because there are times where you go into
one of those shows and it you I mean everything you say is golden. I know. And then there’s
sometimes where you go in and you’re like, “Okay, what what happened? Come on. Come on. Come I can
do this. I can Oh, we got to fight. We got to work tonight. We got to work.” Yeah. But I I think you
have earned your reputation in those type rooms. Um from from just what we talk about, you know how
you know how comics talk about like other comics and we’re really like athletes like you know,
hey, such and such can go in this room and really like hold their own. I think you hold your own in
those type environments. Um and you’re always true to yourself. That’s what we say. You’re always
true to yourself when you go in there. You’re still you. You don’t come off as like, is this the
hip-hop version of Eric? Like, what? What Eric is this? Like, I’ve never seen this Eric before. Are
those gang signs he’s going up? What is going on? I try, man. I I try, but it’s it’s it’s so hard
like especially when I first started doing it cuz I get nervous. Yeah. And it’s like, okay, you see
a bunch of comedians go up and they’re crushing and they’re you know what I mean? And you’re
like, “Okay, maybe I should do maybe I need to be more animated. Maybe I need to be more like
this, more like that.” And then you realize like, “No, that works cuz that’s them, man. I need to be
me.” Yeah. And it’s like obviously I’m going to be different, you know? Like I I looked at the poster
for the who said STLA funny and I am the very different person on that photo and it’s like you
stand out a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. You know, the editing job is great. You stand out. you
stand out on it. But but that’s what we do. Like we see because I have went to shows where I’ve
seen people doing weed jokes and I’ll be like, “Oh, maybe I should go do weed jokes.” I have
none in my arsenal at all. I’ll be like, “Oh, maybe I should do weed jokes.” And I’ll be like,
“Well, which weed jokes are you going to do, Javon?” Cuz you don’t have any. So you going
to go up here and freestyle? Weed jokes. Okay, let’s see how that goes. Just go up there and do
what you have always. That’s just us, though. But when you see somebody in front of you getting down
a certain way with certain material, you be like, “Oh, they they they eating with that. Maybe I
should try.” No, just go do what you’ve always done. That gets you there. But I do like that you
still get nervous. Like I still I My my thing is I just want people to always feel like they paid
for what they You know what I’m saying? Like I got what I paid for. Like I feel like I got what
I paid for. Like I don’t want nobody to be paying me for a show and they feel like you I wanted
college dropout Kanye, not not this guy. Like not not the Twitter Kanye. Not new Kanye. Yeah. I
wanted college dropout and I didn’t want that guy. Like that’s that’s how I feel. We we just want to
be uh we just want to do good. I think that’s why we get I just want to Yeah. Cuz it’s like I I’ve
got material. I’ve got rehearsed things. I’ve got, you know, things that are ironed out and good, but
I also feel like you got to be like in the moment. Like people react to like like fresh. You could
people can tell when something’s fresh and when it’s stale. And and I always feel like I need to
I need to be like this needs to feel as fresh as possible. I want people to connect with it. And
I’m worried that if I tell a joke that I’ve been telling for four years, yeah, it’s gonna seem
like uh he, you know, he’s not into it. One of my top five in the moment moments is actually
from you at the competition when the when the person before you got off stage and you came back
and you was like, “Oo, getting out of that dress.” That was one of the best reading the room,
understanding where you were in the moment, like things that I’ve seen a comic do. I was like,
he crushed and I started laughing cuz it crushed so hard at the top. Yeah. I I can’t tell you how
nervous I was cuz I I was in the green room and I was talking to I forgot who was I think Willow
Donald was the host. Mhm. And I was I was kind of like peeking out at the stage and and looking at
there was for people that don’t know, there was a drag queen that was on stage who was same my
height. Yeah. Same height. Yeah. Like like 6’5, 66, big wig, big sparkly sequin dress or whatever.
And I I ran it by him. I was like, “Do you think it would be funny if I went out there and said,
it’s hard to change out of that dress so fast?” And he goes, “I don’t know.” He just kind of like
blew it off. And I was like, “Oh yeah, maybe I shouldn’t do it. Maybe I,” you know. And then I
was like, “Why not? I’m never going to get another opportunity to do this again.” So, I just did it.
And you can see on the video where I said it and people reacted and I’m like, “All right. Okay. All
right. Yeah. Uh, but yeah, I appreciate you saying that because I there’s there’s so many times where
it’s like I want to say something, but I grew up like in school and church and you know, so many
situations where somebody’s like, “Why would you say that?” You’re like, I just wanted to make I
just wanted to make people laugh. I just Yeah, that one came from the same part of the brain
that the other ones came from. So, I thought it would be funny, you know? And not trying to piss
anybody off. I’m just trying to make you laugh. And I just didn’t know when to stop. I just didn’t
know when to stop. And you got to you got to learn your audience. Like when I was in uh when I was
in first grade, my my grandfather, he fell and hit his head in the bathroom and he went to the
hospital and we had prayer time every day where you had to say a prayer request. And so I’m in a
classroom full of first graders. I’m like, “Oh, pre please pray for my grandfather. He fell.” And
my teacher’s like, “What’s wrong? What happened?” And I was like, “Oh, they think he had a stroke
stroke.” And I started like rowing and the the crushed the I mean the whole room lost it. The
teacher even like covered her mouth and like she like put her head down and was just like,
“Yes, we will pray for your grandfather.” And then later he he ended up passing away. So my
dad comes, picks me up from school, takes me to my grandmother’s house. We’re all sitting in
the living room. Everything’s sad and like quiet. My aunt comes running in the room. She’s like,
“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, what happened? What happened?” And I was like, “Oh, they think he
had a stroke stroke like that.” And I started rowing again. My mom sna snatched me up so fast
and pulled me in the other room and was like, “Why would you say that? Why? Why would you even
What?” Like earlier, Mom. I was like, “Mom, I this crushed about two hours ago. I I I just thought
it would make people laugh. And she’s just like I’ll just never forget the look on her face of
just like what? Why would you ever say that? And it’s like I I thought it would break the tension.
I thought it was funny. You know, I’m glad you laughed cuz hindsight I stand by it. I still think
it was a funny bit. I mean, for a first grader, first of all, it’s not Shakespeare for a first
grader. It’s not Shakespeare but it’s you know like first of all we are still hearing jokes at
that level now as adults like we have been to open mics we are hearing these level jokes so as
a first grader that was amazing but do you know you were being trained for like timing and reading
rooms back then? No, I had no idea. I I that was my first example of like okay not not everything
works everywhere. Okay, I get that. Like and and then but I didn’t realize like I didn’t realize
that was a joke. I didn’t realize that was like a bit. I was like, “Oh, this is I made people
laugh earlier. Everybody’s sad right now. I can make people laugh again.” Was it a moment that you
kind of realized that I not I can do this at the drop of a dime, but that I’m really good at like
before you became a comic or anything? Like is it a point where you like sitting around friends or
around other people? Oh yeah. And you was like, “Okay, I’m kind of like head and shoulders above
what they can make people laugh.” Like I I every job I went to, somebody asked me cuz when I got
when I got out of the military, I bounced around to a bunch of different jobs and I I didn’t like
any of them, of course. And everybody was like, “Well, what’s your what do you enjoy? What’s your
favorite part?” And I was like, you know when you know when you’re like at at work and everybody’s
just kind of standing around and you you’re just like joking and laughing and stuff. I was like,
that’s my favorite part. And they’re like, well, that’s not a job. And I was like, this is not
employment. I was like, oh, okay. Well, that’s what I’m good at. I was like, that’s everybody
always tells me like when I got out of the when I my last day in the military, I got a call from
like four different people and they’re like, man, I’m going to miss how much you used to make us
laugh. Like, it’s going to be not it’s not going to be as much fun without you here. And stuff
like that, which is not what you expect to hear, you know? It’s like I expect it would have been
nice for people to be like, “Man, you were the best Marine I ever.” I always felt safe with
you on my six. Nah, you weren’t that great of a Marine, but man, you were funny. I had I had
a guy tell me cuz before my first deployment, uh I had a bunch of people who were in charge
of me. Then they were like, they’re like, “Man, you’re funny, but I don’t want to get to know
you cuz I know you’re going to die.” Like, and I was like, “Oh, thanks.” I guess like what? Cuz
they’re like, “You’re so big. You’re gonna I mean, you’re a bullet sponge. You’re going to get shot.
Easy. You’re like the easiest one to spot. Like Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I’m not going to stand
next to you, but man, you you do make me laugh and it makes it it makes it hard cuz I know you’re
going to die and like we’re going to miss that, you know? I was like, all right. Oh, okay. Uh
man, that is wild. That is But but that’s and then that’s when I found out like, oh, okay, this is it
is kind of a job like absolutely absolutely this is what you said you wanted to do. stand around
and talk and this is the job part. It’s just I just remember being younger and just kind of like
not I could turn it on and turn it off. I just knew that I could make people laugh I guess faster
than other people. Like it didn’t take me all day to get laughs out of people. like whatever the
situation was like you said like you know finding a stroke stroke like I I had first of all I have
so many of those inappropriate moments in my life um that I just I guess once I got older though
I was like oh I’ve always done this better than other people like oh I didn’t know that first of
all I didn’t even think it was a gift to even you know trip off it like that but now I’ve gotten
older I’m like man I’ve always been better at this than the average kid you know what I’m saying
then I get around then I found y my community and I’m like oh It’s more of us. Like it’s it’s more
of us that think like I think they view life how I view life and and it’s like even doper to find
out that there’s even levels within what we do. Like you know what I’m saying? So yeah. I wonder
that that’s when I found when my favorite part of when I started comedy was hanging out like not
even like on stage but like when I first found like a group of people that I liked and it’s like
you’re you’re just sitting there and you’re like riffing jokes and then someone can continue it
man and you’re like you could do it too like that cuz I mean he like don’t get me wrong I
love my wife to death she is my better half and perfect. You ain’t got to finish. But I call
her bit killer because I, you know, I’ll say like, “You ever thought about that?” And she’s like,
“No, no one’s ever thought about that. No one’s ever thought about that. Why would you say that?
I don’t.” And she just stares at me and I’m like, “Yeah, you’re right. I am stupid. I guess I I’m
sorry.” And then you text then you text like me, Ricardo or you know, Ronaldo or somebody like
that and they’re like, “Man, I was just thinking about that.” Like Yeah. And then they keep
going. I wrote that last week. And this is man, we are different. We are we are a different
group of people. And I’m starting to realize that I can’t have certain conversations with people
about what we do cuz they don’t get it. They don’t like the thought process is really hard
for me to talk about with people because I try to talk to them about how we’re talking like we’re
currently talking but we’re also thinking about what I just said like I wish I would have said
this I wish I would have said that but I’m still I’m still currently talking and I’m like h I wish
I would have said and as I’m currently talking I’m moving forward in what I’m going to say while
surveying a room looking for other things that I could possibly say if it’s you can’t like it’s
hard to talk to regular cuz regular people don’t think like first of all regular people ain’t doing
all that in their head but we do it so even when we watch television our minds never we always look
for the funny like the mind is never turning off and I think that’s I think that’s why we get in
so much trouble because we never cuz we don’t know when to not push for the bit like oh yeah I’m
going to try it like I’m going to Go for it. I know we’re I know we’re at the funeral, but we fa
to I’m going to I got to go for it. I got to see if it works. I got to I got to see if it works. I
got to see if it works. My dad asked me that one time cuz I remember making a joke about something
and he just heard and he was like, “How do you think of that?” Like, how do you He’s like, “Did
you have that like pre-planned?” And I was like, “No, it just it just came out and I just said it.”
And he was like He’s like, “How do you do that?” And I was like, the hard part is turning it off.
The hard part is not saying the thing. Cuz I get like there are times where you’ve got something
to say and I get like I get like holding it in. I get like itchy. It’s almost like like I’ve
heard people with Tourette’s talk about it where like they don’t kind of spaz out. It gets
like uncomfortable. And I ha like I’ll have that where I’m like don’t say it. Don’t you know? And
the there are times where we’re in public and my wife will turn to me and she looks at me and
she’s like I don’t know what you’re about to say, but don’t I don’t know what and I’ll just I’ll
be like, “Babe, but it’s it’s this is a good one. It’s a it’s please the moment’s passed. It’s
whatever.” So, because I close service at church, right, in front of the like in front of the whole
congregation, whatever. I run into those moments a lot where I have a joke that I know will crush.
Like I know I will get the laugh that I want, but it’s and I’m not going to say it’s inappropriate,
but it’s not necessarily uh it’s very pushing of the envelope. Like this past Sunday, I had a joke.
Well, I could have went where we told them not to leave. They were not leaving the room if they were
there for baby dedications. And in rehearsals, I said, “Ushers locked the doors.” Crushed
in rehearsal. And the next morning, a couple people was like, “Hey, you going to do that joke
again?” They was like, “Man, cuz it was really funny.” So that are feeding the comic side of me
like that was like, “Do it again.” And I was like, “We’re televised now.” I was like, “Yeah, I
can’t go out here and do that joke again on television because it’s not just me.” Now, if
it was just me, if it was just a Javon thing, I’m doing a joke. Yeah, but it’s going to come
back into the church, to the pastor, to all of us, and eventually going to work it way down to
me. Even though I said it first, it’s going to eventually get to me. So, I just threw like some
regular old pun jokes in there. But I was so mad all day cuz they didn’t get the pun jokes cuz he
was talking about being planted. And I said, “Hey, you know, pastor, that was an amazing word.
Thank you for putting that seed on us.” Um, I did all that. Like I said before, y’all leave
all of it. None of they didn’t. And I was so like, I should just did the lock the doors joke. Like
I should I should just did the lock cuz now I feel like my my bits didn’t land. Like they And I
hate coming down off of y’all didn’t laugh. Like that’s still the I’m still a comic at the end of
the day. No laughs. Like I hate it when you have a good bit and you say it and no one gets it like
or it takes a minute and then someone laughs but then it’s like you don’t get everybody. You’re
like that deserves so much more. That’s that’s why I stopped I think that’s why I stopped trying
to show that’s why I stopped showing how good of a writer I am because the crowd doesn’t get
it. The back of the room loves it. Y’all get it. Y’all like that was amazing. Like that was
great, but we’re not here for the back of the room. We’re here for the front of the room. And
y’all getting a joke is great. Beautiful. It don’t get me rebooked though if if the back of the room
was like that was amazing writing. Did you see the way he That was Did you see the way he set that up
and then sw that was beautiful. Like that it don’t m like so that that that’s why I was like, “Okay,
I’m going to dumb down. not dumb down, but let me write to who I’m talking to and stop trying to I
think we all go through that when we first kind of start. I want to show how smart I am. The other
day I I woke up and I was I I was sitting there and was kind of like rubbing my head and my wife’s
like, “What’s wrong?” And I was like, “Ah, I don’t I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to talk about
it.” She’s like, “No, what is it?” And I was like, “I just I don’t want you to be disappointed
in me.” And she’s like, “Why? What’s wrong?” And I was like, “I I don’t think I’m going to be
the new pope like that.” And she was just like, “There’s zero chance of you being the new pope.”
And I was like, “I have a better chance than you do.” Like that. And my son got it. And she was
just like looking at me and I’m like, “Cuz they don’t let women be like that.” And she rolled
her eyes and just walked away. And I was like, “That deserved so much. That des I was like,
come on. That was Cuz I woke up like I woke up with this.” Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I was it my
eyes weren’t even fully open and you were already like what’s wrong and I the first thing that came
to my like I just was off the cuff and I was like this is you realize that I went from unconscious
to jokes within 4 seconds. Come on. Good job. Come on man. Good job. This is solid. You this is
good. I can use this. Like yeah that that man but I’m the same I wake up and I’m doing the same
thing. Like I said I woke up before and I shot my wife air pistols. Um, I man I woke up before
and I’ve said things where my eyes weren’t even open yet. I just know I’m woke and I’ve just said
stuff and she’ll be like, “Shut up.” She be like, “Are you woke?” I’d be like, “Yeah, I’m woke.” She
was like, “Who wakes up saying this?” I be like, “Well, I do like that.” Like, cuz she was wearing
this um she was wearing some type of oil to bed. And we would lay there one night and I was like,
“Man,” I said, “I’m getting real hungry.” She was like, “Well, why?” I was like, “Cuz you smell like
a bread stick.” Like, and she was and she I think I made her self-conscious cuz she stopped wearing
it. But whatever it was made her smell like a Olive Garden bread stick, and it made me hungry
every time she came to bed. And I don’t think that’s what her plans was, but I was like, “Babe,
I don’t think that that’s not the h word she was trying to encourage. That’s That’s definitely not
She wasn’t trying to get wrong type of eating, but I mean, it’s going. It’s like, “No, no, no. I
can do both, babe. I I can do both.” Yeah. Yeah. Break out the cumin. Let’s go with that. Get the
Cuban. I’m ready. Get the cumin of the coming. We were clean the entire time. All right. We We
threw one out there at the very end. We always do this at the very end, though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Uh the last thing Oh, real quick. you want to plug your social media again and any more shows you
got coming up and where can people find your you say you’re streaming the services and stuff? Um
well yeah they I mean they can always find well the service period is churchon.org. That’s the uh
that’s the church that I attend. Uh I close out service. Uh I do online hosting. I do like a lot
of the media stuff. Um like a lot of the speaking stuff they have me do. Uh which I appreciate them
for that. Uh my social medias I don’t know. We had a lot of Bible stuff. I don’t know if I want
these people’s opinions on my social media about uh I don’t know if I want the opinions about
the jokes we made about some of these people, but it is JV N 314 on Instagram. Um I guess Tik
Tok too if people still, you know, following me on there. Um and then you know, Facebook is my name.
JV N. Last name West Mullen W S M O L A N D. Um we don’t have any dates for the competition. you in a
competition? No. Why? You didn’t do it either. No, I’m not uh I’m not going to be in town for the
night of the finals. And so I didn’t want to join. And then like if I were to make it that far,
I’m just taking up a spot from someone else that I And it’s like, ah, that’s that’s shady. You’re
so admirable. But everybody I ask ain’t in it. because I I mean all I Well, we can talk about
that often. Okay, okay, cool, cool, cool go. Okay, bet. But yes, uh that’s all my social
medias. Uh that’s where y’all can find me at, man. And I mean, I appreciate you having
me, man. I always enjoy coming down. Yeah, you can always come back. You and I could talk
for hours and just keep going. Yeah. Uh the last thing I always ask everybody before they leave
is what’s the best way to fix this podcast? any suggestions you might have to make it a little
bit better uh for the future? No, you did it. Like last time I was here, I was like, man, if he
had like a grandma’s couch, like that’ be perfect. But you already went and took care of that. So,
we’re we’re going to keep tweaking. We’re going to keep making adjustments. Yeah, you keep making
adjustments and doing stuff around and eventually, man, you Hey, you the next Joe Buttons or Joe
Rogan or Well, no, they name starts with Joe. So, I guess you got to have Joe to have a good Yeah.
to be to have good fortunes in the podcast space. Your name got to start with Joe. So, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I don’t know any Erics doing well in the podcast space that we can stimulate. Well, that
means there’s a free spot. There’s a free spot. Let’s go get it. Let’s go get it. All right.
Uh yeah, I appreciate you coming. You can do You can come back anytime. Let me know anytime
you got something you want to promote. Okay. Uh you just give me like I don’t know, give me like
a month notice. I don’t I come up without nothing to promote. I’m the worst comic in the world, man.
I don’t care about promoting stuff. I do the same thing. I just be want to come sit down and rap.
Like, there’ll be times where people are like, “Hey, you got any shows coming up?” And I’m like,
“Yeah, I a couple of them. I follow me.” Like, you know how comics always name their tours?
Mhm. I I’ve I’ve been saying that for the last like year that this is the I found out about
this 30 hours ago tour because that’s most of my gigs is someone being like, “Hey, could
you be here in 3 hours?” And it’s like, “Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Okay. All right. Let me shower
real quick. I’ll I’ll be there.” Matter of fact, I almost cut the shower out. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I don’t really even have time for that.
This week on The Best? podcast, host Eric Rueseler sits down with comedian Jevon Westmoland for a hilarious deep dive into Bible stories, heaven expectations, and the comedy that comes from asking the questions no one else dares to.
From comparing angel choirs to JCPenny Christmas playlists, to wondering if heaven has a comedy club (Halos & Hahas, anyone?), Eric and Jevon riff on faith, family, awkward church moments, and the strange details of biblical stories that rarely make it into Sunday school.
We’re talking:
Is “Santa Baby” on the soundtrack in heaven?
What if Jesus really flipped tables because of bad carpentry?
The overlooked comedy gold hidden in the book of Jobe and Noah’s ark.
Why comics can’t ever turn their brains off — even at church or funerals.
If you’re into stand-up, storytelling, or just love seeing faith and comedy collide in unexpected ways, this episode is packed with laughs, real talk, and the kind of questions you didn’t know you needed answered.
🎧 New episodes every week — hit subscribe and join the conversation!
Watch the full series here: https://youtu.be/4S6U3LT2FXc?si=Co4u4YFjgIUw5VIt
#ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #ChristianComedy #BibleHumor #HeavenJokes #ChurchHumor #FunnyPodcast #RelatableComedy #CleanComedy #FaithAndFunny #LaughOutLoud #ComedyClips #PodcastLife #StorytellingPodcast #ComedyTalk #JokesAndFaith #ComedianLife #TheBestPodcast #EricRueseler
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